Taking the Meg out of Morgantown

Pandermonium!

2010-07-22T14:20:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow night is the closing night of my first Writing 6 show at Second City. I'm really sad that I won't be working with this particular group anymore, but I can't imagine how the writers feel. I get the impression that most of them have been in the same class all the way through. This has been such a fun chapter in my Second City journey, and I'm kind of sad for it to end. I'd like to do another one, but I don't actually know if I can pull off another audition that good. And if I do, I'd really like it to be for this next round of Conservatory auditions. Yikes! Nervous! Maybe I should go do something productive instead of spilling my worries all over the internet...

I survived!

2010-07-22T13:59:00.002-05:00

Last week, my parents came to visit for the first time since they moved me here last August. And I'm not even sure that counted since we basically unloaded my stuff and then Mom and I fought most of the rest of the time and they left the next day. This time bought me a mini-vacation from my job and a 4-night stay in a nice hotel downtown where I pretty much slept like a baby every single night. However, the daytime events were so exhausting that I don't feel like I had much of a vacation.
We did all the touristy stuff. The Shedd Aquarium, the Adler Planetarium, the Field Museum, the John Hancock Center, gawking at the Transformers 3 filming, shopping on Michigan Ave. This was punctuated by my show at the Second City Training Center and many yummy meals. They came to my apartment for all of two hours.
It was lovely to see them, but it made me almost glad that family visits are a twice a year affair now. Dad asked me at one point, "How long are you going to stay in Chicago, Meggie?" in a way that nearly broke my heart. But the truth is I'm happier here than I ever was in Princeton or in Morgantown. I'm facing all the challenges of being a young adult who also happens to be an artist in a shitty economy, but I firmly believe I'm gonna make it. I finally feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Aaaaand I've turned a corner.

2010-05-21T13:36:00.001-05:00

I went to the Crocs store. I'm addicted. And ashamed. But I'm freakin' happy because I'm not in pain. So hopefully now my foot can get better and I can go back to wearing normal shoes. :)
Now, on to my stand up homework.

OUCH!

2010-05-14T10:46:00.002-05:00

My foot has been bothering me for a while now, and while I figured it has something to do with the fact that I spend 40+ hours on my feet every week, I've been kind of just ignoring it and occasionally taking an aspirin. Then last night I decided to look up causes of foot pain. I think that it can be very stupid to self-diagnose, but I am currently too poor to go to the doc. In this case, self-diagnosis was super-easy because the description was spot on. I have something called Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot. It's a strain of the ligament that connects the heel to the toes and it hurts the most when you start walking after being off your feet for a time. Aaaand it looks like I'm already doing what I can for it--resting it when I can, icing it, taking aspirin, etc. I'm about to go out to buy some new work shoes and I'm hoping that will help as well. I told myself I would never ever enter the Crocs store, but sometimes pain can make you throw away all your aesthetic principles.

Things are finally going my way!

2010-05-02T11:15:00.003-05:00

Tonight, I have a stand up showcase at the Second City Training Center. My first stand up class is over. I have learned so much. I still get a little disoriented when I finish a set. I still get really really bad tomato face. At least it feels like tomato face. It might just be hot face. I have finally learned to stop apologizing--both verbally, and nonverbally. It might be a little odd, but as a comic, I have given myself liberties that I don't usually give myself, and they're starting to carry over into life. I think I am actually a stronger person because of stand up comedy. Laugh if you want. That is the goal.
I also just started work this week on a Writing 6 sketch revue that will run during the month of July. I am so excited that I have been cast in this show. Between the sketch revue and the stand up that I am constantly working on and putting myself out there with, I finally feel like I chose the right path.
No, I haven't made conservatory yet, but I did prove to myself that I'm not terrible at improv auditions. Tina Fey didn't get in on the first try, either. I'm holding on to that and working my ass off and learning by watching and I will make this work. I no longer worry that I've chosen the wrong path. I know I can do this.
8:00. DeMaat Theatre. Tonight. Comedy time. :)

Can't wait to be a real person with a real job...

2010-03-03T20:12:00.002-06:00

I finally realized today what is expected of employees in the customer service industry. We are expected, above competence, friendliness, and intelligence to be happiness robots. God forbid anyone have a real emotion, especially one that isn't wholeheartedly positive. Because "People can see you." No shit. I would just like to reiterate that it's called a "panic ATTACK." Not a fully controlled, hidden from the public episode of panic. Just a thought.

The mess in my apartment mirrors the mess in my brain...

2010-02-27T20:17:00.003-06:00

I am disaster right now. I'm so full of conflicting emotions that I can't get anything done because I'm spazzing out all over the place. Wes came to visit last weekend, and that was seemingly rather anti-climactic and so I'm underwhelmed by that. I'm excited for my class's show tomorrow night. I feel looked down on at work. Yeah, I'm a little ditzy, but I'm really really really smart, and I would like to be treated like it. I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm constantly fending off games of "My Big Brother Can Beat Up Your Big Brother." I'm worried about my grandmother because she won't feed herself. I'm broke and I'm anxious about that. I finally have a crush on someone here, but I'm still totally in love with a friend from home--confusing! I'm pleased that Spring is on it's way--the days are finally a length I can live with. Also, my sleep patterns are kind of screwed up, so that isn't helping much.

Wow, there's more going on than I realized, but now that it's all off my chest, maybe I can set some of it aside and get to work. I have bits to write, and an apartment to clean, and people to call, and a movement piece to prepare for an audition, and an afghan that I've been working on for like, a year to finish. Oh, and I've had the same movie out from Netflix for about five days. Maybe I'll get to watch it sometime, but not tonight because I have to open tomorrow! Nothing like getting up at 4:00am on a Sunday. :)

First and Last

2010-02-06T21:01:00.003-06:00

I know, this is my fourth post in half an hour, but my brain is going crazy and there's a lot going here. Yesterday was my first audition for the Second City Training Center Conservatory. I hope it's also the last. I doubt that it will be though. It's so hard to get a feel for how I did because there were no standouts in my group. There were some really bad improvisers but there were no truly great ones. John told us they take roughly a third. I don't really know what else to say about it except that if I don't get in, I'll email Norm for my notes, and they can expect to see me again shortly. :)

Crappy Anniversary

2010-02-06T20:49:00.002-06:00

Today is the one year anniversary of something that I often wish I'd never done. I told one of my closest friends that I love him. I haven't heard his voice in 5 months. We're still friends--if text messages and cards and whatnot count. However, I am terrified that I will never see him again. Or if I do, he'll be a married dad. Soooo scared of that. And there's nothing I can do about from over 500 miles away. Except keep sending him cards and texting him and letting him know how incredibly special I think he is.
It sucks that I've been demoted as far as my level of friendship goes, but today is also the one year anniversary of the bravest and freest I've ever felt. I just wish that one of these heart-stopping risks that I keep taking would pay off...love confessions, cross-country moves, edgy audition material, etc. Which brings me to the next topic....

New Apartment

2010-02-06T20:44:00.003-06:00

I've been in my new apartment for a week now. I still haven't been to the grocery store or organized my bookcases or even put my computer on my desk. I am currently sitting on the floor with my keyboard on my legs. There are no posters on the walls. But it already feels more like home. I think it's because I picked it. Not that Kellen had picked a bad apartment, it's just that this one was totally my choice. I moved in to new carpet, new bathroom tile, a new bathtub, and blinds that still have the tags on them. I have sacrificed closet space and a nook for a table, but guess what--I don't have a table! Also, it no longer takes half the day to get anywhere, and that's super nice. Hopefully I'll be able to stay in this one for a few years.

Favorites...

2010-02-06T20:40:00.002-06:00

I have lots of favorites: people, colors, movies, places, books. However, I can't seem to find a favorite song or a favorite food. I guess what I mean is that I can't hold on to either one. Currently my favorite food is nachos supreme and my favorite song is "Heartbreaker" by Led Zeppelin. Last week they were chocolate cake and "Brass Monkey" by the Beastie Boys. Leah, purple, When Harry Met Sally, the New River Gorge, and The Picture of Dorian Gray are pretty much permanent favorites. So what's up with food and songs? This is a worthless question, isn't it?

WOW

2010-01-04T21:11:00.003-06:00

It occurred to me while writing that last post that I have a serious problem with dropping things in the toilet. At last count: An entire package of toilet paper, a cell phone, nail clippers, a tube of toothpaste. That's sad, man. I'm such a clumsy fuck.

Quotes of the day...

2010-01-04T21:08:00.002-06:00

Both from yesterday:

"If you have the opportunity, PLEASE tap that." --Annalena

Me:I fail.
Molly: Why?
Me: I dropped my toothpaste in the toilet.
Molly: Haha oh shit man that is a fail.

Trying to find home...

2010-01-04T20:34:00.003-06:00

I have an appointment to look for a new apartment on Thursday. The theory is that these people are going to drive me around to a bunch of apartments and hopefully one of them will be perfect. And then January will end, I'll move into said perfect apartment, I'll ask parents for a real bed for my birthday, and I'll have a HOME. I can't wait. This little apartment has given me a good start here in Chi-town, but it's never quite felt like home. Perhaps it's because I've been kind of considering it a temporary place all along. Perhaps it's because I'm lonely. I hope that's not it, because moving to a new apartment is not going to cure that.

On a completely unrelated side note: I'm beginning to feel old. Perhaps it's just the beginning of my quarter-life crisis, but I swear to God that while the wrinkles aren't there yet, I can see where they'll be when I look in the mirror. Plus my joints suck. Maybe my New Year's Resolution should be to stretch everyday. That sounds like a good one. Maybe even one I can keep. I kept last year's. But that was a one time event for which I just needed to find the courage. Am I actually capable of keeping one that involves something you do every day? We'll see. And I'll document it, I swear. No more of this one post per month crap.

Balls, cajones, whatever you call 'em, apparently I've got 'em.

2009-12-16T11:48:00.002-06:00

Last night one of my oldest friends told me, "You always have had huge testicles. That I do know." We were discussing a situation from high school in which I threatened a teacher with never returning to his class unless he moved me to another seat. I've gotten similar comments on my choice of acting material, my solo move to a strange city, and the night I told my best friend that I love him.

But here's the thing: it doesn't feel like courage to me. It feels like me doing what I have to do to make my life livable. I mean, I'm scared of everything. I don't like to order take-out because I'm horribly uncomfortable with speaking to strangers on the phone. But if I were starving to death, and Pizza Hut was the only rescue available to me, you can bet I'd pick up the phone and order myself some food.
I told Mr. Land that I would be coming back to class because I had asked nicely to be moved on multiple occasions, and I knew that continuing to sit next to the boy who spent 9/10 of class every day making fun of me was affecting my ability to pay attention and my willingness to even be there. I pick gutsy monologues and scenes because I don't seem to fit into a type, and I think it's the only way professors and directors notice me. I came to Chicago because Second City is here, not at home, and that is my ultimate goal at this point. And I told Jordan that I love him because I couldn't continue to interact with him without making that confession.

So thanks, Kellen (and Mom, and even Vance) for pointing out how ballsy I supposedly am. But I still think it's more of an unwillingness to be commonplace than any extraordinary amount of courage.

Passing Grades

2009-11-27T15:25:00.002-06:00

So, here's the thing: every time I mention a guy that is my friend or even that I know, my mom steers the conversation into a series of leading questions that make it quite clear that she thinks it's totally weird that I don't date more and that she wants me to get a boyfriend, pronto.
Well, I have really high standards, and I think she wants me to lower them. NOT HAPPENING. A C may be a passing grade in academia, but you need at least a B+ to date Meg. I have only met one guy ever that I would give 100% (Skye), and I recognize that it's not likely to happen ever again. But I do know that there are lots of guys I know and am friends with that pass my stringent scale, so it's not like I'm being completely unreasonable. They all have shortcomings: Dan sometimes needs a reminder to take a shower, Sean is way too young, Jordan can be very moody, Ben and Travis are seemingly aimless hippies, Michael is forgetful and flaky, etc. The bottom line is that I know plenty of dateable, bangable, marriageable men and some day one of them may be completely into me. And it's that hope that keeps me from dating unattractive guys. So shut up, Mom. :)

On Clumsiness...

2009-11-19T13:34:00.002-06:00

Can one develop clumsiness? I don't remember being such a klutz when I was a kid. I mean, I broke stuff. I fell down occasionally, but kids do that. I was clearly graceful enough to be one of 16 dancers accepted to the WV Governor's School for the Arts when I was a sophomore in high school. But now I feel like I cannot go a whole day without tripping, spilling something that makes an awful mess, hurting myself, or generally exhibiting just how uncoordinated I am.
Yesterday, I nearly cut my thumb off with the microwave door. That takes talent. Last week, I knocked over a cardboard display of gift cards in the grocery store. I tried to pick them up, but the cardboard thing kept falling over again, so I gave up and left them all on the floor. Some Jewel-Osco employee hates my guts, I'm sure. I tried. Really I did. And I walked away nearly in tears because I was so frustrated that that thing kept falling on me.
Perhaps I should make a resolution to be more coordinated. Maybe I'm just not paying attention. Maybe I should exercise more. Maybe it's hopeless. But dammit, I'm going to try.

???

2009-11-15T11:04:00.002-06:00

I just took a minute to sit here and push the "next blog" button a million times just to see what's out there. And what's out there is nothing but "ooh-look-at-my-baby-isn't-she cute-blogs." Perhaps I don't understand because I don't have children, but it really seems like babies are the only exciting thing happening to a good portion of the people I know--and clearly, the people I don't know as well.
Again, I don't have children, but I have been a child. If my mother had blogged about it every time I had a booger or wet the bed, I'm pretty sure that I would be kind of damaged by it now. So unless you genuinely have great stories and pertinent info to share, stop embarrassing your kids, people. They may not be embarrassed now, but wait until they're 14 and they find out about your blog. MORTIFIED. I promise you.

Today's the Day!

2009-11-15T10:54:00.002-06:00

...And I was writing more bits at 1 a.m. today. While watching Tombstone. Tombstone is wonderful, but it isn't really funny. I just woke to realize that I have almost no clean clothes. I'm going to have to shower and then run around the building in sweatpants until I have taken care of that issue. But once my clothes are clean, what the hell am I going to wear? Do I want to be hot comic? Cutesy comic? Certainly not frumpy comic. My wardrobe has a lot of hot and a lot of cutesy. So Torn!!!
You know how sometimes you try on six or seven different outfits before you find one you're willing to wear outside? This is going to be the day to end all of those.

Laziness....

2009-11-11T15:24:00.002-06:00

I can't decide if I'm genuinely lazy or if it's just because I have such a small social network here and work such weird hours, but I don't want to do anything. And when I do want to do something, it takes me twelve years to get ready. Something is not right here.
However, I did get the invite up on fb, so I'm not completely useless. Maybe I'll crochet some. Or go for a walk before it gets dark.

I did NOT forget about this blog, I swear...

2009-11-11T13:40:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Week One of the two and a half week job overlap. New Job is awesome. Old Job sucks. My mother thinks I should keep both, but honestly when it takes a million years to get anywhere and New Job is offering you full-time, why the hell would you do such a thing? Just sayin'.
The stand-up debut is fast approaching. I should be cleaning my apartment or going to the grocery store, but instead I'm making a facebook invitation to the show. If all the people from work that say they're coming actually show up and a bunch of people from class come, Town Hall will be PACKED. Can't wait. Hopefully, Beth and I will be going over my stuff either this afternoon or tomorrow before my shift at New Job.

Oops...

2009-11-06T09:45:00.001-06:00

So, maybe I ranted too soon. But it was supposed to happen at midnight. Not 9:45 am.

Mini-Rant

2009-11-06T00:32:00.002-06:00

As an employee, I know that I have the responsibility to know my schedule, to show up on time, to work hard while I'm there, etc. Why is it that employers seem to think that they have no responsibilities other than making sure you get your itty bitty paycheck. Five weeks and my direct deposit still hasn't gone through? That's my employer telling me that they have no respect for me and that they will take no responsibility. I cannot wait to start my second job at a reputable employer next week.

On Musical Retardation

2009-11-04T13:58:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we had half of our class with one of the directors of the Music Improv program. Sooooo uncomfortable. I know it's something I have to get used to, but here's the thing: I can't can't can't make up my own melody on the spot to go with whatever background is being played. Cannot do it. Words, not so much an issue. But we were doing scenes and singing in gibberish, and I just could not make it happen at any level that made me feel okay about it. There were only a couple of other people who were obviously uncomfortable, and that didn't exactly help.

I was in marching band for years, I was in a choir (a few of them actually), I've taken voice lessons and a musical theatre class. However, I still feel like I have a negative IQ where music is concerned. Perhaps I need to start studying hardcore. I won't let my qualms about it be the thing that keeps me from being a successful actor. But that doesn't change the fact that the whole thing scares the shit out of me.

I must say, even though I'm at a loss when it comes to making music, I certainly appreciate it. I make a new mix of about 50 songs or so every month to be a soundtrack of sorts for my life. I just finished the November one. It's mostly classic rock, but there are also songs made by my friends and acquantainces, random songs from the '90s, songs to get me ready for the Weezer concert, and a few that indulge my nerdiness. Currently "The Battle of Evermore" by Led Zeppelin is playing, and it may just be one of my favorites ever. I heart mandolins.

Come-On Tourette's

2009-11-02T11:41:00.002-06:00

The men in this city have a real problem. They don't know how to say "hello." Instead they yell things at you or blurt out awkward come-ons when you pass them on the sidewalk. My name is not Baby, Sugar, or Mamacita. I already know that I'm beautiful, but thanks for reminding me. Some misguided dude projectile word vomits on me every time I leave the apartment with makeup on.
And then I find normal, sane ones that are nice to talk to, and they turn out to be gay. Well, let's be honest, some of them are obviously gay, so that's not as disappointing. I guess my question is, where does one find the straight boys in Chi-town? Where are the straight boys who are intelligent and socially well-adjusted? Do they exist? What I wouldn't give for a West Virginia boy right about now.

Austerity Time

2009-11-02T00:07:00.003-06:00

I can't believe I've lived in Chicago for two months. True, I'm nearly halfway through my first class at the Second City Training Center. I have two jobs. But I still have a pretty small number of friends. And my apartment continues to look kind of sparse and sad, although I did make some decorative additions this weekend. One of those being a AAA road map of Chicago used as a poster. You've got to get creative when you're FANTASTICALLY BROKE. You've also got to learn to like PBR because odds are it's the only drink you can afford here. I long for the time when I can drink micro-brews and move into an apartment that allows me to have a cat and take an airplane home for Christmas instead of Amtrak. But that time is not right now. Right now is austerity time.
Austerity time, as much as it sucks, is one of the greatest inspirations I have for creativity. I write so much more than I used to. I crochet all the time. That afghan I've been working on for like, a year? It will be finished by the end of this month. My walls are covered in pages from my sketchbook. I'm doing my first stand-up set in two weeks. I impressed my improv teacher. My improv teacher who was in the company with Steve Carrell. Ha!
Now, the question is, what the hell is this music that itunes has selected for me?