Pandermonium!

Tomorrow night is the closing night of my first Writing 6 show at Second City. I'm really sad that I won't be working with this particular group anymore, but I can't imagine how the writers feel. I get the impression that most of them have been in the same class all the way through. This has been such a fun chapter in my Second City journey, and I'm kind of sad for it to end. I'd like to do another one, but I don't actually know if I can pull off another audition that good. And if I do, I'd really like it to be for this next round of Conservatory auditions. Yikes! Nervous! Maybe I should go do something productive instead of spilling my worries all over the internet...

I survived!

Last week, my parents came to visit for the first time since they moved me here last August. And I'm not even sure that counted since we basically unloaded my stuff and then Mom and I fought most of the rest of the time and they left the next day. This time bought me a mini-vacation from my job and a 4-night stay in a nice hotel downtown where I pretty much slept like a baby every single night. However, the daytime events were so exhausting that I don't feel like I had much of a vacation.
We did all the touristy stuff. The Shedd Aquarium, the Adler Planetarium, the Field Museum, the John Hancock Center, gawking at the Transformers 3 filming, shopping on Michigan Ave. This was punctuated by my show at the Second City Training Center and many yummy meals. They came to my apartment for all of two hours.
It was lovely to see them, but it made me almost glad that family visits are a twice a year affair now. Dad asked me at one point, "How long are you going to stay in Chicago, Meggie?" in a way that nearly broke my heart. But the truth is I'm happier here than I ever was in Princeton or in Morgantown. I'm facing all the challenges of being a young adult who also happens to be an artist in a shitty economy, but I firmly believe I'm gonna make it. I finally feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Aaaaand I've turned a corner.

I went to the Crocs store. I'm addicted. And ashamed. But I'm freakin' happy because I'm not in pain. So hopefully now my foot can get better and I can go back to wearing normal shoes. :)
Now, on to my stand up homework.

OUCH!

My foot has been bothering me for a while now, and while I figured it has something to do with the fact that I spend 40+ hours on my feet every week, I've been kind of just ignoring it and occasionally taking an aspirin. Then last night I decided to look up causes of foot pain. I think that it can be very stupid to self-diagnose, but I am currently too poor to go to the doc. In this case, self-diagnosis was super-easy because the description was spot on. I have something called Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot. It's a strain of the ligament that connects the heel to the toes and it hurts the most when you start walking after being off your feet for a time. Aaaand it looks like I'm already doing what I can for it--resting it when I can, icing it, taking aspirin, etc. I'm about to go out to buy some new work shoes and I'm hoping that will help as well. I told myself I would never ever enter the Crocs store, but sometimes pain can make you throw away all your aesthetic principles.

Things are finally going my way!

Tonight, I have a stand up showcase at the Second City Training Center. My first stand up class is over. I have learned so much. I still get a little disoriented when I finish a set. I still get really really bad tomato face. At least it feels like tomato face. It might just be hot face. I have finally learned to stop apologizing--both verbally, and nonverbally. It might be a little odd, but as a comic, I have given myself liberties that I don't usually give myself, and they're starting to carry over into life. I think I am actually a stronger person because of stand up comedy. Laugh if you want. That is the goal.
I also just started work this week on a Writing 6 sketch revue that will run during the month of July. I am so excited that I have been cast in this show. Between the sketch revue and the stand up that I am constantly working on and putting myself out there with, I finally feel like I chose the right path.
No, I haven't made conservatory yet, but I did prove to myself that I'm not terrible at improv auditions. Tina Fey didn't get in on the first try, either. I'm holding on to that and working my ass off and learning by watching and I will make this work. I no longer worry that I've chosen the wrong path. I know I can do this.
8:00. DeMaat Theatre. Tonight. Comedy time. :)

Can't wait to be a real person with a real job...

I finally realized today what is expected of employees in the customer service industry. We are expected, above competence, friendliness, and intelligence to be happiness robots. God forbid anyone have a real emotion, especially one that isn't wholeheartedly positive. Because "People can see you." No shit. I would just like to reiterate that it's called a "panic ATTACK." Not a fully controlled, hidden from the public episode of panic. Just a thought.

The mess in my apartment mirrors the mess in my brain...

I am disaster right now. I'm so full of conflicting emotions that I can't get anything done because I'm spazzing out all over the place. Wes came to visit last weekend, and that was seemingly rather anti-climactic and so I'm underwhelmed by that. I'm excited for my class's show tomorrow night. I feel looked down on at work. Yeah, I'm a little ditzy, but I'm really really really smart, and I would like to be treated like it. I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm constantly fending off games of "My Big Brother Can Beat Up Your Big Brother." I'm worried about my grandmother because she won't feed herself. I'm broke and I'm anxious about that. I finally have a crush on someone here, but I'm still totally in love with a friend from home--confusing! I'm pleased that Spring is on it's way--the days are finally a length I can live with. Also, my sleep patterns are kind of screwed up, so that isn't helping much.

Wow, there's more going on than I realized, but now that it's all off my chest, maybe I can set some of it aside and get to work. I have bits to write, and an apartment to clean, and people to call, and a movement piece to prepare for an audition, and an afghan that I've been working on for like, a year to finish. Oh, and I've had the same movie out from Netflix for about five days. Maybe I'll get to watch it sometime, but not tonight because I have to open tomorrow! Nothing like getting up at 4:00am on a Sunday. :)

First and Last

I know, this is my fourth post in half an hour, but my brain is going crazy and there's a lot going here. Yesterday was my first audition for the Second City Training Center Conservatory. I hope it's also the last. I doubt that it will be though. It's so hard to get a feel for how I did because there were no standouts in my group. There were some really bad improvisers but there were no truly great ones. John told us they take roughly a third. I don't really know what else to say about it except that if I don't get in, I'll email Norm for my notes, and they can expect to see me again shortly. :)

Crappy Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of something that I often wish I'd never done. I told one of my closest friends that I love him. I haven't heard his voice in 5 months. We're still friends--if text messages and cards and whatnot count. However, I am terrified that I will never see him again. Or if I do, he'll be a married dad. Soooo scared of that. And there's nothing I can do about from over 500 miles away. Except keep sending him cards and texting him and letting him know how incredibly special I think he is.
It sucks that I've been demoted as far as my level of friendship goes, but today is also the one year anniversary of the bravest and freest I've ever felt. I just wish that one of these heart-stopping risks that I keep taking would pay off...love confessions, cross-country moves, edgy audition material, etc. Which brings me to the next topic....

New Apartment

I've been in my new apartment for a week now. I still haven't been to the grocery store or organized my bookcases or even put my computer on my desk. I am currently sitting on the floor with my keyboard on my legs. There are no posters on the walls. But it already feels more like home. I think it's because I picked it. Not that Kellen had picked a bad apartment, it's just that this one was totally my choice. I moved in to new carpet, new bathroom tile, a new bathtub, and blinds that still have the tags on them. I have sacrificed closet space and a nook for a table, but guess what--I don't have a table! Also, it no longer takes half the day to get anywhere, and that's super nice. Hopefully I'll be able to stay in this one for a few years.

Favorites...

I have lots of favorites: people, colors, movies, places, books. However, I can't seem to find a favorite song or a favorite food. I guess what I mean is that I can't hold on to either one. Currently my favorite food is nachos supreme and my favorite song is "Heartbreaker" by Led Zeppelin. Last week they were chocolate cake and "Brass Monkey" by the Beastie Boys. Leah, purple, When Harry Met Sally, the New River Gorge, and The Picture of Dorian Gray are pretty much permanent favorites. So what's up with food and songs? This is a worthless question, isn't it?